She continued watching me while her hands mechanically pumped the toys into Monique like two pistons of an engine. There was no care, no ease, no sens... of play or pleasure. Her movements were just that, movements.I was glad none of my girls were there. They might have thought very differently of me after seeing what I was going to do. Though I hoped I could forgive myself in the end.I stepped up to the edge of the bed. Mom watched me, but her eyes were filled with pleading rather than the. The dark red 1992 Vauxhall Senator slowed down and stopped in front of her. The front passenger window rolled down to reveal a fat old Arab man with short hair and trim grey-black mustache in the front passenger seat. His brown tweed waistcoat and black tie made him seem more like a “white man” than an Arab. He looked at her with the doubtful eyes.“Do you perchance need a lift ma'am?” said an older British man with short, grey and white hair and a grey and white mustache in a dark grey. Men like I had previously portrayed myself to be to my sons might not wearmakeup but I was obviously at the very least a transvestite if not atransexual and such men, if I was still a man, all wore makeup.I needed to put some distance between normal masculinity and myself. Thismight give the boys the chance to still cling on to their masculinitybecause my masculinity was slipping away from me like water off a duck'sback. I needed to be as feminine as possible so that my sons saw the manI was. "I give up."I looked at her. "Fred and Wilma." Huh?" The Flintstones." Oh." She still didn't look convinced. What kind of childhood had this poor girl had?The four of us piled in my car and drove to school. Since it was cold out, we all wore coats. The other three left their wigs in the car and I did with my glasses and nose. Most of the people at the game were wearing coats, so it was hard to tell who was in costume and who wasn't. Some had wigs or makeup that made it evident. I noticed most.
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