" Then I paused trying to put my thoughts together. "I think it was also because the fantasy was of being dominated and humiliated a little. I wasn't ...etting that feeling. I wanted that sense of being owned and punished."She chuckled a little and then didn't say anything more. Fortunately we were at the movie theatre and I didn't have to worry about the conversation going any further.When we got home I jumped in the shower as I often did in the evening. As I stepped out of the bathroom I was. Then she looked at me, as if in pity, to indicate she didn't want to hurtmy feelings. I left and ran home, tears filling my eyes, wondering why I couldn't belike other boys, why my body was so soft, so girlish.Should I have been born a girl, I began to wonder. Then I wouldn't haveto have muscles, or be strong or able to hit a baseball. And now, in September, 1941, I had to go to gym class, strip down andshow my soft, girlish body. I wasn't fat, but I had a layer of flesh thatwas almost squishy,. “Can you be happy if some other man raises our child?”“If you’re happy, that’s what will make me happy,” he said.His face was calm, but inside was a different matter. Bobby had contact with all his children, some more and some less. He was completely comfortable with Jake being called Daddy by two of those children. He had already heard Steven call Sal “Papa Sal,” and that hadn’t hurt at all. There were others, many others, who called another man all the names that would bond them to a man. Across the back was a large emblem which proudly proclaimed, "United States Air Force." It was plain to see how his face would come to life when someone would ask him about the old days. Stories long forgotten could now be shared with others.I did not really know him well. On occasion he would ask me to go for a walk when he would visit my house. I thought it might be an indication that he somehow enjoyed my company. Once we were some distance away, he would light up a cigarette. It was then.
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