I catch a bus to Yarmouth, a ferry to Lymington and two trains to Bournemouth. A group of school c***dren board the train. I imagine them singing: We ...now where you’re going, we know where you’re going!’ I get a grip of myself. I get closer to my dirty destination. My excitement… and anxiety increase. What if I suffer a heart attack? I visualise the headlines in the local paper: Respectable local man dies in brothel – partner never knew. Witty whispers: ‘He went before he came!’ I alight at. ’ I mumble staring off into nothingness. ‘Shh…. I know but its over now. You are a fighter, but you don’t have to fight alone.’ ‘Its my fault you know, its all my fault, everything.’ I start to sob a new. Lydia gently pulls my hair back away from my face and ear. ‘Don’t you ever say that!’ Her voice is felled with passion. ‘Its not your fault! No matter what anyone says, no matter what you think, its not your fault.’ ‘You don’t even know what happened.’ ‘I don’t have to know, to know the just. Katie, who must have been about a year old, had been looking around, now snuggled in to me. Heaven knows why, I have no experience with children whatsoever.“I’m sorry, I should go.”“Hang on a minute, I’ve had an idea.” Yes, I know, and you’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. “Come on, let’s go outside.Rhiannon put her coat on and took Katie from me and put her coat on. We went out and I turned towards the barn.“Where are we going?”I turned and did a sort of Groucho Marx impression,. I've lived hundreds of years” (I hope I look that good hundreds of years from now.)I looked at her incredulously, "A wizard? I thought wizards were male like Merlin and Gandalf."She snarled, saying, "Silly girl, wizards can be male or female hundreds of years ago that's the way it was everybody knew wizards could be either sex don't believe what Hollywood tells you.”"But why am I here? Why are they here and what is this place? I asked more questions than Alex Trebek but, I noticed the more.
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